. . . is that there is a practical reality to it. Long distance relationships never seem to work out just because of that.
What society’s favorite perception of the romantic relationship tends to overlook is that there is a deeply embedded, very important, heavy layer of practicality to it. Relationships crumble or don’t flourish properly because of money, because of time, because of location. It’s always more facially interesting to read about two people who split because homeboy was a cheater, or because girlfriend had major personality disorders, rather than to learn that two people were never able to be together because one had to be in New York for work while the other in California for school.
Sometimes, if not most of the time actually, there is nothing fundamentally off about the relationship or potential relationship itself — personalities mesh, the dynamic is there, maturity levels are both on par, the connection is ignited, the romance and chemistry all sparkle, but you can’t fully maintain a love with someone while they’re halfway across the country. Communication is easy, but connection becomes so much more difficult – too difficult. You can easily call or email or text or IM or video-chat or . . . utilize about fifty-four other million options that technology in this day and age has made possible for us. But, you can’t enjoy a trying out a new restaurant with someone, you can’t cuddle in their arms on lazy Saturday nights on the couch watching old reruns, you can’t have spontaneous adventures while playing hooky from work or school on a Tuesday afternoon, you can’t have sex with them on the regular, steal kisses, you can’t even hold their hand while walking down the street — or walk down the street, period. You can’t rub their arms, caress their necks, gaze at them from across the table. You can’t fully feel someone when it’s physically impossible to at the moment. When that’s off, everything else is. The domino effect comes into play. Then, soon enough, the struggle and frustration bleeds into the entirety of the relationship.
It starts to affect more than one can handle.
These days, there are more of this breed of overly ambitious people who want it all than ever. We want the love and romance, the people and friendships and social activities, the career and work life, and we want it all in the life that we want to have been dictated for ourselves and by ourselves. If we’re able to drop one of those, the others would be so much easier to manage or just obtain. And, that’s just it. I don’t think that chivalry is dead or that we are living in a time when the general perception of things is trending toward viewing it through a non-romantic lens, I just think that it is what it is – a reality. If the overall cost outweighs the benefits and if you’ve worked hard your whole life for something, like your career or your family, only to tarnish it for something more seemingly insubstantial, then it really isn’t worth it.
I don’t think that this applies to all relationships nor am I addressing the general long distance relationship. And, I don’t intend for it to apply to all “modern,” “ambitious,” people, either. But I do think that, when applicable, it is the right choice. It doesn’t make the break-up or the non-assembly of the relationship any less sad, any less painful, or any less heartbreaking.
When applicable, it makes sense to your life, if that’s any consolation. And there’s nothing stupider or more irrelevant than nonsense.
Run with it, and everything will work out because you did the right thing and are continuing to do the right thing.
Trust.
oh betty. 